Caregiver Tips January 2005Selfish or Self Aware?
Contents
*Self Care Focus: Selfish or Self Aware?
**Words of Encouragement
***Book Award
****Reminders
*****Messages for Caregivers
******So Good I Want To Share It
*******Internet Sites 2Good2Miss
********Thank You
********* Self Care Tip
********** Share A Tip
Self Care Focus: Selfish or Self Aware?By Jo Cavanaugh
Are you concerned about self care because you think that it is selfish? Were you raised to believe that being selfish was wrong? How do you feel about selfish people?
It's very important to understand the difference between Selfish, Self-centered, and Self Love. Selfish people think about what they want and put their needs first. They are primarily only concerned with what they want.
Self-centered people are only concerned with themselves. They think only of themselves. They are selfish.
Self-love is the act of taking care of oneself. Having regard for your own needs, care, and desires. Self-love isn't selfish but you do consider your own needs and desires.
So the next time you want something or need to care for yourself remember that it is from self-love and not self-centered or selfish behavior. How can you love another if you don't love yourself?
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Words of Encouragement
Addiction to Self-Judgment
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"I'm such a jerk. How could I have said that?"
"I'm a looser. I'll never get anywhere."
"I'm so stupid. I should have learned this by now."
"I don't fit in. I don't belong with these people."
"I'll never be good enough. I'll never do it right enough."
"I'm permanently emotionally damaged. I'll never be okay."
"No one could love me. I'm not lovable."
?and so on and so on.
Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how
often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are
you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your
self-judgments?
In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment
is one of the major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and
depression. Yet most people don't realize that these painful
feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own
self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious
client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it's
because of something that happened to them. They usually
believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet
when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing
their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as,
"I'll never get this right," or they are projecting their
own judgment onto me and telling themselves, "Margaret
doesn't like me," or "Margaret is getting impatient with
me." When they judge themselves or make up that I'm judging
them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening
that is causing their anxiety, other than their own
thoughts.
Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety
with their self-judgment doesn't not necessarily stop the
judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an
addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is
intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that
self-judgment is intended to protect against?
Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against
rejection and failure. The false beliefs are that, "If I
judge myself, then others won't judge me and reject me. I
can be safe from others' judgment by judging myself first,"
or "If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things
right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and
accepted by others."
However, just as a child does far better in school with
encouragement than with criticism, so do we as adults.
Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us. Instead of
motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get
frozen and become unable to take appropriate action for
ourselves. More self-judgment follows the lack of action,
which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we
create a situation where we are completely stuck and
miserable.
The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of
fear, anxiety, anger or depression and then ask yourself,
"What did I just tell myself that is creating this feeling?"
Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then ask
yourself, "Am I certain that what I am telling myself is
true?" If you are not 100% certain that what you are telling
yourself is true, you can ask your higher, wise self or a
spiritual source of wisdom, "What is the truth?" If you are
really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop
into your mind, and it will be much different than what you
have been telling yourself.
For example, "I'm such a jerk. How could I have said that?"
becomes "We all mess up at times. It's okay to make mistakes
- it's part of being human. Making a mistake does not mean
that you are a jerk." When we open to the truth, we will
discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to
ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather
than anxious, angry or depressed.
Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an
addiction to self-judgment is no exception. So be easy on
yourself, and don't judge yourself for judging yourself! It
will take time and dedication to become aware of your
self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the
end result is so worth the effort!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and
co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me
To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is
the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a
FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or
mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.
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Book Award
Linda, a caregiver from Austin, Texas, will be sent Simple Pleasures; Soothing Suggestions and Small Comforts for Living Well Year Round, by Robert Taylor, Susannah Seton, and David Greer. Enjoy the read.
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Reminders
Don't forget that January is:
Cervical Health Awareness Month
National Cervical Cancer Coalition
2725 Alcatraz Avenue, Suite 282
Berkley, CA 94705
(510) 832-2317
(510) 832-2317 Fax
hforster@nccc-online.org
www.nccc-online.org
National Birth Defects Prevention Month
March of Dimes Birth Defects Foundation
1275 Mamaroneck Avenue
White Plains, NY 10605
(888) M-O-DIMES
askus@marchofdimes.com
www.marchofdimes.com
National Volunteer Blood Donor Month
American Association of Blood Banks
8101 Glenbrook Road
Bethesda, MD 20814
(301) 215-6526
publicrelations@aabb.org
www.aabb.org
Cataract Awareness Month
American Academy of Ophthalmology
P.O. Box 7424
San Francisco, CA 94120-7424
(415) 447-0123
(415) 561-8533 Fax
eyemd@aao.org
www.aao.org
Thyroid Awareness Month
American Association of Clinical Endocrinologist
1000 Riverside Avenue, Suite 205
Jacksonville, FL 32204
(904) 353-7878
(904) 353-8185 Fax
info@aace.com
www.aace.com
Don't miss the February 2005 issue of "Caregiver Tips" with tips and information
on Heartfelt
iBALANCE? Teleclasses
Are you longing for the time before caregiving? What to find a way to get
back to your dreams and goals? Enroll in iBALANCE? a four-part teleclass
designed to help you take control of your life.
Meet once a week on the telephone and give yourself an hour to clear away the
guilt and stress of caregiving. Develop tools and tricks to become more
comfortable with caregiving. Learn life skills that will change your life for
the better.
Click this link to get more information about teleclasses:
Get More Teleclass Information Here
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Messages for Caregivers
Patient and Doctor: Changing Job Descriptions
by Vicki Rackner MD
The flu vaccine shortage captures the basic question in medicine:
what is your doctor's job and what is your job in achieving and
maintaining your health? You may have come to believe that it's
your doctor's job to keep you healthy by doing things for you and
to you, like injecting a vaccine. Simple, inexpensive day-to-day
things you can do for yourself like hand washing are often
devalued or trivialized.
History tells the story of how and why patients came to expect
their doctors to take charge of keeping them healthy. Flash back
to 1918, the year the flu pandemic claimed between 20 million and
40 million lives around the world. This viral illness killed more
people than the battleground in WW I, and tens times more than
the total numbers of AIDS victims to date. The belief that the
hospital is a place to die is founded in experience. In the early
1900's you had a better chance of being harmed than helped if you
went to the hospital. The introduction of penicillin in the
mid-1900's changed the landscape of medicine. Bacterial
infections which once had a death rate of 80 % were now treatable
conditions. Each decade brought more powerful medication and more
effective diagnostic and therapeutic tools. The ability of the
doctor to fight disease was unprecedented. Of course you would
put your health in the hands of your doctor; it was the best game
in town. The rise in status of technology-based medicine was
accompanied by a decline in respect for *folk remedies.* The big
impressive landmarks in medicine were illustrated by examples
that doctor did to patients.
That's the problem in a nutshell. Patients expect doctors to take
charge of their health, and interventions based in technology are
most revered. A patient's personal responsibility has been
minimized, and self-care is under-valued. In both the vaccine
shortage and the more global health care picture there is a
question: how can we scurry to generate more resources that are
now scarce, and how will we pay. The vaccine shortage reminds us
that there's a viable alternative. We're promoting the safe,
simple accessible intervention of hand washing. This is a
concrete example of taking health into your own hands.
In his book Leadership, Mayor Rudolph Giuliani describes his
approach to the challenges he faced when he assumed leadership of
New York City, strangled with knots of debt, crime and
unemployment. He began the untangling by eliminating graffiti and
getting tough with subway turnstile jumpers. The act of washing
graffiti ultimately knit NYC to health. The act of washing hands
offers the potential to do the same with our troubled health care
system.
Fixing our broken health care system is as simple as getting back
to basics. You and your and doctor really talking and listening
to each other. You and your doctor doing what you say you will
do. Making simple day-to-day choices that lead towards health,
like regular hand washing or a twenty minute walk four days a
week. Conservatively half the diseases we treat can be prevented
with better day-to-day choices. Patients and doctors, working
hand-in-hand offer powerful medicine in the treatment of our
diseased health care system.
I invite you to imagine the qualities in your ideal doctor and
your job in creating an ideal collaboration with your doctor.
Maybe you could even write job descriptions and here's a possible
starting point:
*Wanted: Caring professional with excellent communications
skills, solid clinical judgment and honed technical abilities
whom I can proudly call 'My Doctor.' You collect key medical and
personal information and put the puzzle pieces together in a way
that makes sense. You recognize that I am the expert on my own
body, and offer insights that guide me to my choices that make
most sense for me based on your knowledge and experience. When we
don't see eye-to-eye, we respectfully agree to disagree. I deeply
trust you. One day my life could be in your hands*
How about your own job description of *patient?* *I'm in the
driver's seat in my journey to health. I recognize that all
choices can lead in the direction of health...or of disease...
and I make consistent choices that lead to health. Even when I'm
doing my best I still might get sick, because there are factor I
cannot control, like genetics and environmental factors and plain
old bad luck. If I get sick, I collaborate with you to restore my
health. While I appreciate the many things you do for me, I know
that ultimately my health is in my own hands.*
As you do so, consider this: you get the best, safest and most
cost effective health care when you take your health into your
own hands. Ask not what your doctor can do for you; ask what you
can do with your doctor.
It's more important than ever to take an active role in healthcare.
The best way to get top-quality, safe and effective healthcare is to
actively and knowledgably participate. Visit
http://www.MedicalBridges.com for the tools to get you there.
Copyright (c) 2004. Vicki Rackner. All rights reserved.
Vicki Rackner, MD, president of Medical Bridges, is a board-
certified surgeon who left the operating room to help employees
become active participants in their health care. She is a
consultant, speaker and author of the Personal Health Journal.
Reach her at http://www.MedicalBridges.com or (425) 451-3777.
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So Good I Want To Share It
 
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Internet Sites 2Good2Miss
Nature provides us with many lessons on how to live in harmony with others. It's always nice to find internet sites that reflect on the obvious yet often overlooked in nature.
This is a site that has music and poetry. If you need a few minutes of relaxtion, click on the link and enjoy!
Secrets of the Geese
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Thank You
I also want to thank those that have sent an email with a
request for information. I enjoy hearing from you and hope
that I can provide some support or help when you need it. Please
continue to send me your comments and requests.
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Self Care Tip
There is no better time to give mini massages to the hands and feet than during the cold and dry weather in January. Treat yourself and your care receiver to a special hand and body cream. Have someone massage your hands and feet and see how wonderful you feel. Now share the care and give your care recipient a massage as well. You will have a wonderful memory of care and softer and prettier hands and feet.
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Share A Tip
Share a tip and receive a CareSsentials Mirror/Sewing Kit.
Have a great tip that you want to share on self care, coping,
or humor that has helped you through the day?
Share the tip with us and receive a self-care gift for your
kindness and generosity.
Email your tips to the link below and please include your mailing
address so I can mail you the mirror/sewing kit.
Share a Tip
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Take care and don't forget to love yourself this month,
Jo Cavanaugh
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You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection.
-- Buddha
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