Make Every Moment Count

By Claire O'Classen

Practical tips for those you wish to help the primary caregivers of patients facing a serious/terminal illness:

• Please tell me what you can do to help me. Time is so precious, so please omit what it is you can't do to help me.
• Please remember that I'm new at this experience, and what I most need from you is your expertise, your compassion, and your understanding.
• Let's say you are a good friend and want to do something to ease my mind and body and spirit. Please clear a sacred space in your schedule with me so that we can spend some time together to explore my needs for nourishment with you.
• Let's say you are a great cook and can whip up a casserole in a heartbeat; go ahead, do it. No matter what you make, it is guaranteed to be "good for the heart? as well. My desire for preparing dinner during these times was low priority.
• Please follow through on whatever it is you say you'll do for the caregiver. No matter what! The smallest promises are so nourishing when kept, and so devastating when forgotten. Because this is a time for the caregiver to be dependent, your being dependable is truly treasured.
• Bring me your happies and your funnies so I don't get too serious. Please pack up all the "heavies" and everybody you're upset with, and leave them all outside.
• Communicating with a patient who has lost her voice, as was the case with my Mom, and is often the case with ALS patients is a call for creativity, patience and feeling for the patient. It presents an incredible opportunity for both patient and visitor to appreciate our most treasured gift ... self-expression.
• Remember, it's not always what you can do for the caregiver, the most precious is that you can be here for the caregiver.
• Please know your good thoughts and prayers are sustaining to the patient and the family.
• And, it's okay to be cheery, honest!

Time is very concentrated while attending a loved one who is critically ill. Each situation is different, yet there is always one thing in common. We can best serve each other when we ask, "What is the loving thing to do?" Then DO IT!

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